km : Passing Lane

Anyone who remembers some of the silly tech gimmicks of the 1980s will remember the handful of models that used recorded voices to announce a few vital reminders. “Your door is ajar,” however, is baby talk compared to what the special edition Mini 50 Camden — intended to honor Mini’s 50th anniversary — said to us recently.

“It’s going to talk to you, and I’m not telling you how to stop it.” That’s what our BMW representative told me, but I wasn’t prepared for how serious he was being. I push the start button and before I can even adjust my seat, a woman’s voice with a charming British accent let’s me know that the climate control is set a bit chilly for her comfort. I learn that she’s speaking for the car, while a more obnoxious Cockney gentleman is the voice of the engine. I fumble around for too long, and she asks me to buckle my seat belt. How cute.



The lady I can live with — her voice is soft and polite, and she doesn’t talk much — but the guy, oh that’s where the system, which Mini calls “Mission Control,” gets ridiculous. I set off for my drive and dive into the throttle to merge with traffic. “Please ease up on the gas a bit, I’m not warmed up yet,” the somewhat crotchety limey commands, “I’ll let you know when I am.” Five minutes later I’m waiting in line at a stop sign and he returns. “Let’s go! Full throttle!” I oblige. And I get scolded, again being told to ease off until the engine warms. Wait, what? The engine told me to do it. Not fifteen seconds later, he changes his mind and announces his warmness. Make up your damn mind, man!

Eventually we get along. He tells me to floor it, and I do. He cheers — usually, the only words during these times are my wife’s, and they aren’t so encouraging. Still, the novelty does wear off after a while and I’m glad there’s a kill switch built into the dashboard computer. Mini calls Mission Control “the first step into a brand-new world of interactive in-car entertainment, offering a driving experience never seen before,” but we call it a kitschy accessory that’s perfect for a special run Mini but not for every car that rolls of the line.



Aside from Mission Control, the Camden is actually a pretty nice little package, though not a cheap one, costing $4500 plus $500 for one of the metallic paint options. Colors include Horizon Blue, shown here, along with silver, white, and both solid and metallic black. The standard xenon headlight assemblies are blacked out, and sets of thin vinyl lines run along the hood’s shoulders and onto the mirror caps. Special 17-inch “futuristic impression” wheels, a “MINI 50” grille badge, and black-and-white Union Jacks on the side repeaters complete the exterior package, though our test car also sported a body kit and a little roof spoiler.

Inside, the Camden enhancements include a two-tone white leather and black cloth combo with contrasting black-and-blue stitching on the seats, e-brake handle, and shift boot. The dash and interior door trim matches the striping on the side mirrors, and a special Harman/Kardon hi-fi system rounds out the package. Yes, it’s all cool and the Camden is certainly a way to differentiate yourself from other Mini owners, but its flair — the stripes and colors and technology — isn’t for everyone. The price tag isn’t for everyone, either. Consider that after destination and with our test car’s metallic blue paint, this is a $28,000 Cooper S before even diving into the options catalog. Those voices coming from the speakers should probably be thanking each owner for their contributions to Mini’s profitability.

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